Hello again.
Plus ca change, plus c’est la meme chose.
A few wonderful things happened this week. Theo contacted me and we got to talk a bit after far too much silence. Skype remains the best way to have an argument when you’re not even in the same country, but also the best way to remember why you’re carrying on with the other person in the first place. She’s exhausted and ready to come home, but she still looks so handsome it’s ridiculous. And, don’t tell anyone, but she snuck here on a short layover, so we got to actually share some air for a day, and that was wonderful, too. No, we didn’t solve any of the big questions, but I got to kiss her, and it was amazing. For all the tough moments, we’re still very good together, even as different as we are. Plus, she brought me a dragon.
Clearly, the other conversations can wait.
Also, I got to go to the (new, to me, at least) Citadel in SF for an event called E*C*L*I*P*S*E. (Whenever I write the word out properly, I end up with a bunch of Twilight fans linking here, which is weird and odd and should not ever ever happen.) Arron came, too, and we took pictures of a lot of the folks there. I got a WHOLE room to set up in, and had lots of fun shooting and then talking with Arron – I haven’t seen him much since he (censored because I don’t know how much I can say) and I’ve missed him terribly. So there was much hugging and talking and photography and even a little napping, which was delicious. When I was setting up and taking down, I even had bois to help me, and I’ve decided that I have to get my own sometime. A shorthair with an earnest expression and big muscly arms who asks me what I’d like? Heaven. Arron, of course, was amazing as well, and so the night went much more easily than usual. The only problem, of course, was that I was effectively fluffing a bunch of folks who then went running off to play in the dungeon, while I stood in my little room and…took more pictures.
On the I-don’t-know-how-I-feel side, I got a couple of invitations to play, and more, and I was thrown by them completely. I’ve been so invisible in the scene up til now, always hiding behind cameras and volunteer jobs, that I never got any attention. Now I’ve got more than I know what to do with. It’s odd, I always imagined I’d enjoy attention like this, but I don’t really. If I knew what’s changed I might try to fix it, to reset my magic cloak of invisibility, but I imagine my therapist would not approve.
On the hard side, though, Kyle is having a rotten time of it, and it’s difficult to see him struggle. I’ve done my best to offer helpful advice for his own trip through the apocalypse, but there’s only so much I can say. On the plus side, he’s grown very close to a great guy who lives nearby, and so he’s getting bro time from someone who is fierce and wise, and there are a few new other friends who are keeping his spirits up.
I think my second-greatest regret might always be this moment, when we are close but not lovers, when I broke both our hearts, and it is physically impossible for me to be able to make it better, because I have clearly made it all so much worse. I wish I knew how to release us both from the pain and the guilt…well, my guilt, our pain.
*sigh*
And so life goes on. A little good, a little bad, and we live through most of it, even the stuff we’re sure will do us in. Because, sometimes, at the end of the day, you get lucky and someone gives you a dragon. Or a kiss. Or a deep belly laugh.
And suddenly it all makes sense again.
Image may be NSFW.
Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
Image may be NSFW.Clik here to view.
